So--
this blog will be transitioning into more of a personal blog... so, if you are still reading this, be forewarned things will be more diary-ish than before! I think I'm pretty safe to transition without a lot of ceremony or name changing (like others of my friends), since my dismal reader stats are a fair reflection upon my less than regular blogging habits.
On that note- I'm going to dive right on in.
I've been thinking about motherhood a lot the past few weeks. Actually, these thoughts started a while ago- but the past few weeks I have been given the chance to observe three different families' parenting styles "up close and personal." These families are all fellow believers, all have three or more children, all homeschool in one way or another, and ALL have been generous enough to have this single chick thoroughly sharing in their lives while I live with them.
Even with knowing that my observations may never have practical implications in my own life because the Lover of my soul has other plans for the life that I think of as mine (yes, I did heave a big sigh when I wrote that- I'm still working on contentment in this realization), I still want to write these particular motherhood thoughts out.
It takes a HUGE amount of self-control to be a good mother. This may not be news to you, and it wasn't news to me either. But it begs to be repeated about twenty gadjillion times. When you are interrupted for the millionth time, by yet another little needy thing that the small person could actually have done for themselves while you are clearly up to your elbows (or eyebrows) in three other people's needs... self-control must be a fruit of the motherly spirit indeed.
Families are noisy. That cleaned up living room with decorous behavior on Sunday morning when you all gather? It's not necessarily a facade, it's just more of a once a week occurrence. He he. However, I'm still trying to figure out whether noise level is a stage or not. This was not a subject that my child development courses in university, nor nursing school covered. Working in day care I know a lot about noise levels, and for the most part I have what I consider a very high level of tolerance for screaming two-year olds (I know it's not all your fault moms- your child is learning how to assert him/herself and communicate. I know.) However, if I have children that are like me (eeeks!), are there ways I could short-circuit the screaming and temper tantrums? Or is it something I'll just have to live through until they turn 25? (I sincerely hope the second one is not true- because if it is true, even if I got married this year and had kids right away, I'd be looking at some auditory orderliness to start when I'm 53. Oiy.)
It makes me wonder, are some homes quieter than others because of certain parenting techniques? Or did their children simply get quieter as they got older, and I'm only seeing a reflection of their age? It could possibly be a combination of both... but if you have suggestions to offer on how to parent kids to be less argumentative/scream-y, I'm open!
Families are messy. Messy emotionally, but mostly messy in your living room/kitchen/hallways kinda way. I'm definitely starting to think about techniques on how to get your barely-walking-toddler to pick up while toddling. I like mopping and making sure countertops are clean- but I just don't like the eternal everlasting putting "stuff" away. I'll let you know if I come up with anything super stellar-- until then, I might consider limiting my children to playing outside with sticks and stones like the olden days. ;)
There is always someone, somewhere who thinks you're crazy whenever you make certain decisions about your kids. I think I've seen that you can be pretty crazy as a mom, and you might need to actually gather a group of women (some older, some younger), who will tell you when you are going insane and not thinking properly in your mama-bear madness (in love, of course!). Then, make decisions with your husband that both of you can stick to. Yes, both of you, without being swayed by anyone except your Father. In addition to joint decisions, do not let your self worth be centered upon your kids. They won't be enough. Yes, it may feel that you are just a fight-breaker-upper, dish washing, chief chef... but mothers are more than that. Take home message? There are two: Don't make decisions or gauge yourself based solely on other's opinions. Don't go insane. :D
There's more... but that's enough for today...
Love it. And you never know...I have lots of friends who are just now getting married in their early-mid thirties...it could happen to you. =)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of motherhood a lot lately too, but not necessarily in this exact vein. Mostly in regards to my mother's mothering, her mother's influence on her and how it affected the family line etc. I am going to get married some day, but not have children, so that brings up a whole 'nother can of worms when it comes to our culture's idealization of motherhood. I think mothering is a wonderful calling, but there are a myriad of callings and ways to leave a spiritual/impacting legacy in the world. Sadly, even Christians have a hard time not looking at someone like they've lost their mind when it is announced they choose not to have children.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to your query about noise in the home, I do think parenting style affects it. Coming from a big family, there was the usual 'family noises' just because a lot of people around naturally increases volume, even if you're 'quiet.' Environment can be fostered to be peaceful, creative, dissonant or chaotic depending on the parents' commitment to their own emotional and spiritual health as a couple and then transfer that to building up and loving their children in the ways that he/she should grow as individuals. Where either of those commitments are lacking is where the environment is affected. For example, in my home growing up, my parents were the noisiest. They argued and yelled frequently. As a kid, I remember staying outside a lot, being by myself or with neighborhood friends, because it was less stressful than being inside. As a result of my parents' disinterest in seeking healing in their relationship, in so many ways I did not get the nurturing I needed in order to grow up with any sense of direction for my life and with a slew of relational issues. So, my mothering advice? Don't strive to 'not be like your mom/dad' but strive to 1. know who YOU are in Christ, your purpose, gifts, weaknesses, 2. with your spouse, know your purpose as a couple, seek healing and growth in your relationship and 3. with the aforementioned points, seek to love your children like CHRIST loves, with Him as your example to follow ultimately and seek to know your child as an individual created by God so that you can have wisdom in training the child in the way God intended.