a call

I never knew that a simple question, "Is it all right if I call you in a few days?" would make me feel cherished.
It's not definitive. Or revolutionary. Not even a grand declaration.
Tell that to my heart or the silly smile on my face.

Keith and Kristyn Getty

Not only do their names BOTH start with K... not only are they Irish and have kept a slight, lilting brogue to their accents despite living in the States for 6 yrs... not only do they write Gospel centered music... not only is Keith hilarious during rehearsals (I wish I could accurately quote his quip about Irish boys in a Baptist chapel getting carried away by bars)... but they also have a wee-Getty that they parent while on the road!!!
That little girl is so lucky to grow up with all that amazing music.

I was in the back up choir for the first showing of Joy: An Irish Christmas, last night. And I thoroughly enjoyed it... even though I felt outclassed at EVERY turn. I'm musical enough to appreciate real talent... but sadly unmusical enough to be any good. Last night I found out how much I can't actually read music unless I can hear my first few notes... unfortunately... the acoustic engineers for the chapel choir loft assumed choir members didn't need to hear themselves, the audience was more important. Hah!

In one of the portions where we did not participate, I was almost surprised into tears by a reading that Kristyn did. And though I'm supposed to be writing my last 13 pages of the semester...  I googled it.

And found the poem!!!
I'm including it so you too can get a taste of the lovely lilt, with the wonderful words.

http://www.gettymusic.com/watchesofthenight.aspx

I look towards the wintering trees 
To hush my fretful soul 
As they rise to face the icy sky 
And hold fast beneath the snow 
Their rings grow wide, their roots go deep 
That they might hold their height
And stand like valiant soldiers 
Through the watches of the night 

No human shoulder ever bears 
The weight of all the world 
But hearts can sink beneath the ache 
Of trouble's sudden surge 
Yet far beyond full knowing 
There's a strong unsleeping light 
That reaches round to hold me 
Through the watches of the night 

I have cried upon the steps that seem 
Too steep for me to climb 
And I've prayed against a burden 
I did not want to be mine 
But here I am and this is where 
You're calling me to fight 
And You I will remember 
Through the watches of the night 
You I will remember 
Through the watches of the night

"I prayed against a burden, I did not want to be mine" ...sigh...
The end reminded me of Psalm 130... "More than watchmen wait for morning"

yikes...

Um... so this morning I decided that instead of just feeling that horrible feeling of impending doom (there is only a week and a bit left of my first semester of seminary).... I decided to write out what was actually due on November 30th. Just to get it out there... and so I could schedule these things into my more than 30 hours a week at work...

- personal evangelism

--seven encounters write up

--chapel attendance 

--encounter assessment

- family leadership

--three papers (6-6-10pgs)

--two lectures

--two postings

- foundations in worship

-- make worship service

--power point

--take home final

-systematic theology

--final 

--last paper 

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

.... on second thought (since it's my day off today) I might just go do my laundry and clean my room. It's not like I actually need this masters degree... 

"Popular-ler-laar"

I was so stressed on birthday week... but for four blissful hours I pretended like there was no such thing as being a dialysis nurse and seminary student who was in desperate need of sleep.

The roomie and I dressed up and went to go see Wicked.

It was THOROUGHLY enjoyed. (as you can tell, we were almost to the roof- nosebleed seating for sure!)

I also now know that I would love to play Glinda. She has the best lines... and her songs are ALL in my range. Not only that, but she gets to sing fun descants while floating in a bubble over a chorus of munchkins.

My favorite line? ... promise it's not a spoiler...

When she looks up from braiding her friend's hair and sharing secrets during a sleepover.... realizes it's past midnight.... and suddenly tosses up her hand above her head and bends backward as she sings (high notes), 

"it's a brand new daaaaayyyyyy!" 

Sandy leaned over and sarcastically giggled in my ear, "That's not you at all." :) 

Now I just have to figure out how to be popular...

"Popular!You're gonna be popular!I'll teach you the proper poiseWhen you talk to boysLittle ways to flirt and flounce (Ooh!)I'll show you what shoes to wearHow to fix your hairEverything that really counts" 

To repurpose

 <<<<< I saw this link on Pinterest the other day that has me thinking about repurposing. I think this may be one way that 'weird' Louisville is rubbing off on me, and I kinda like the idea of reusing rather than buying new to fill up spaces with more stuff.

And as I enter my last 'twenties' birthday week (eeks!),  tonight I'm also starting to think about repurposing things in my life. You know, giving them new purpose. Or taking bad habits and renewing them. A la Romans 12:1. 

A friend who has gone through so much this year, quoted something from 

One Year Book of Hope on her blog

 that she found helpful... and though I cannot 

even fathom how painful 

it might be to lose a child... 

 I thought that with just one word tweak,

 this quote was repurposable for my situation as well. 

"Your singleness has given you an incredible gift. It has given you the gift of being forced to reconsider the very purpose of your life. Those who are sailing through a comfortable life at this point have not yet been forced to carefully consider their lives and surrender their dreams. But because you have been shaken to the core, you see clearly that if you cling to your own plans and desires, you will never discover the freedom and joy found in losing your life for Jesus. "

apparently I like food

In the middle of life's craziness.... and I do feel like I'm officially crazy now that I'm postponing the inevitable book review even more by not even reading the book till the day before it is due... and definitely not trying to memorize all that needs to be memorized for a midterm on Friday...

I'm procrastinating. In a big way. Because my brain can't seem to handle much else...

And as I downloaded some iPhone pictures I realized that all my pictures revolved around three things. 

Things I want to remember, 

people I like... 

and mostly, food. 

Yup. Apparently I like food.

A lot. 

 Cuban sampler plate at Havana Rumba. Mmmmm.

 Surprising find at the international market behind work. Yay Turkish cookies!

 I have a strange addiction to red licorice. I get sick every time I eat a whole package. Which happens more than I'd like. But sometimes I just gotta have it. This time my roomie enabled the addiction along with some encouragement for the long day ahead!

 Love love love love love my fresh, local produce boxes!

 Macedonian halva. Yes please.

 What else should I have done with handmade whole-wheat ricotta ravioli but serve them up with some fantastic imported basil EVOO, cherry tomatoes, and fresh steamed green beans?

 My special blend to keep me awake on Tuesday nights late class times without impeding sleeping the 5 hrs I can get before waking up at 4am to be at work on Wednesday morning. Trader Joe's Jasmine green tea and mint melange tea.

 Definitely a favorite creation of mine. Nachos with steamed spinach, black beans, red peppers and mozzarella. Broiled to gooey and crunchy perfection and served with real Mexican salsa.

 A different twist on ravioli. Again with the green beans, but some of the ravioli are spinach ravioli and I tossed cherry tomatoes with fresh basil this time. Too bad some red vino is not allowed for the cute stemware at this time. :P

 My favorite part about this breakfast sandwich was it's location- Anchorage, KY.

 So healthy... so good. Asiago cheese bread, acorn squash, chicken meatballs with tomato sauce... topped with fresh basil, of course!

Who doesn't love Indian food night?! Especially when it's with friends who have been to India so they can help you order! 

 The ladies at work now make fun of me for me coffee obsession.... maybe it's a good thing they haven't truly found out about how much I love the other things at coffee shops? 

 Louisville is fantastic in so many, many, many ways. Not the least of which is multiple different ethnic foods. I really enjoyed everything on this Ethiopian platter!

I steamed then lightly roasted local edamame, sweet corn, and red peppers with some EVOO... broiled some Asiago bread to make it crusty... mmmm!

 This is to broadcast the itty-bitty Asian market a 5 minute walk away from my house :) 

... my recent favorite? The buckwheat noodles and tofu that reminded me of a sweet time with a friend in Russia. ... well... maybe it was the coffee Mochi. Coffee or friendship. Hm. Sad that this is a choice in my brain.

Thankfully I can usually make the choice coffee AND friendship! :D 

little blue house

I love this little blue house! 

A bout of loneliness drove me out of the house, and into the above 90 degree F humidity yesterday. (I DO prefer this to the supposed "dry" Arizona heat, fyi. But heat and I... we just don't get along very well.) I am glad that I did actually walk around though... I have the cutest neighborhood! Though, you almost wouldn't know it, because the lanes and house eaves are so obscured by TREES!! And bushes, and flowering plants, and grass!

I discovered this little blue gem on my way back- as I was already sticky with sweat. It was just such a brilliant shade of blue that popped in the midst of green. Love.

'....and why we should, like, care'

So... I've been able to get some reading done in these days of waiting for news on the job!

(Side note: My beverages have also risen in class.  La Croix was on sale. And I now have my own grinder, french press, and lovely Capresso glass hot water kettle. So I can make my own version of a fruffy cafe au lait! Mmm.)

I do love reading. And I have discovered that I really appreciate and enjoy reading about other languages and especially about the idiosyncracies  of this convoluted-ridiculous mother tongue of mine. The most recent find was another giggle inducing, intellectually stimulating, and fascinating book by John McWhorter.

Before I left Phoenix I devoured and quoted to anyone that would listen, Language: What it is, what it isn't, and what it could be. Then on my first trip to the Louisville public library, without really realizing who wrote the book... I picked up Doing our own thing: the degradation of language and music and why we should, like, care. He he! Yes, the titles totally reveal the sometimes irreverent jokes that McWhorter plays with language throughout both of these books.  (For example, in Language he gives six different sentences using the word a$$, and how in 'black English' it's not just crudity- but actually six separate parts of speech that separates-it-from-mainstream-English-grammar!)

McWhorter's basic thesis throughout Doing our own thing was that since the revolution of the sixties, English in America has been in decline. As a whole, the carefully crafted sentences that once were used in public speeches, over media, in letters and in print... well, today's society 'smells a rat' and sees only hypocrisy if language is too flowery outside of academic writing. In the pursuit of being 'real' - the art of language has disappeared.

Ugh.

While I love that I can write this blog without having to use a separate 'dialect' of superfluous English- and that I can just quickly dash off a quick thank you note and throw it in the mail without regards to difficult phrasing- and I can enjoy the "real" sentences of fun and witty dialogue instead of reading stuffy drawing room conversation... (and use as many ellipsis as a care to! I use them a lot when I write to take a deep breath in my train of thought) ... a lot of me is saddened.

The book confirmed to me what I've already been feeling since high school. The swallowing of books whole when I was younger have thrown me 'off the curve' of society in general. I truly do love a good witticism or word play. Good poetry that you have to contemplate and read out loud to another person to really appreciate- this is bliss. The fact that I still even use the US postal services for the humble thank you card sets me apart. Even my enjoyment of listening to lyrics, understanding what they mean, and connecting with them through music sets me apart as well. [It dates me, honestly. I'm an old lady at heart. I mean, I'd rather sing hymns than choruses -- which because McWhorter is not part of the Church, he didn't think to use this example specifically. He tried a complicated three chapter long analysis of Broadway classics instead. :)]

I totally should have been born in a different decade. Or in a different country. [I giggled a LOT when he kept bringing up a Russian's love and continued admiration for the convoluted, complex Pushkin-- and then laughed out loud when he gave an example of a Turkish mother telling her daughter in the States to call her cousins because they had "beautiful language" and she (the daughter) had to listen to it right then!]

The ellipses using writer, the dancing hip-hop bass line loving self, and the train of thought talker that I am could be trained out of these deplorable habits. But because I live in the post-Civil Rights and post-sexual revolution America, I will never have the educational push to embrace formality on a daily basis.

{Side note... McWhorter compares language to clothing. :) Just as I missed out on the ages where men wore suits on a daily basis to go to work, so I missed out on formal speech. 'Back in the day' they spruced up their verbal wardrobe for official press releases, much like special occasions required special clothing. Lincoln knew how to wear a top hat, and gave the Gettysburg address while doing so. Today?! A casual pair of khaki's and a polo shirt is "dressing up"- and a speech often looks stilted when put down on paper because of all the filler, "um, like, maybe" that we use in everyday informal talking with no crafted wordsmithing beforehand! Sad days. Sad days.}  

.... and this sadness prompts me to wonder... if we are losing our literate culture to the mass appeal of "being real"... What happens when we lose the ability to savour and mull over beautiful passages in the Bible? What happens when we've forsaken the competence to delve into the poetry of the Psalms?

Clearly... we get what we see around us. The 'sound byte' sermons with the concise three points (that may not even be alliterated these days!). A weak reading of the Word for passages that are more accessible to a 'quick read.' Allowing more literary and academic type people to tell us what we should believe. And a wimpy, skimpy ability to memorize and recite important verses and truths (here I accuse myself of weakness too!)

I'm motivated to think through what I write again. Motivated to try to allow my stream of consciousness to pass through a filter of some sort before I open my mouth. Not just because it might be a good thing to control the volume of junk that comes out of my fingers and lips.... but also because it is affecting how I see the Revelation of my God in the medium He has chosen to show Himself to me (literary)!

this world is not my home

So, you know those 'bible-isms' that you grow up with... and then need to realize later, that they aren't actually written in the Bible that way? Just as cleanliness is not actually next to godliness, and God does not really help those who help themselves... the phrase "this world is not my home" is actually not in the Word of God. Who knew? I kinda just found out.
There is the sentiment in Rom 12:2,  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind..." and in John 17:14b the concept is clearly communicated when Jesus prays for His disciples, "because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world." It's not like it's 'unbiblical' per say- just, the actual phrase is not actually quotable from any version.
This is only important because I'm having a harder and harder time realizing this as I settle into this lovely city called Louisville. THE TREES! The grass. The polite, kind, random strangers!

And being able to go to thrift stores, consignment shops, World Market and Walmart and get stuff to 'settle in.' I love nesting.

To use my great dishes, and then have a place to put them away.

New acquaintances that become friends quickly. 

And fun free things to do, like 'movie in the park'.  

Of course there are small things that serve as a reminder that I'm a stranger here. Like when the ladies at  the Curves (side note- yay for working out with older ladies again!! So much less intimidating!) put two and two together... the fact that I moved here for Seminary and I was just gone for two years... And then 'accuse' me as they identify what denomination I'm a part of. (that was a huge shock to the system, fyi). Or bumbling around and not really knowing where I am until I look at a map on my iPhone (it makes me very dependent!). And just being lonely when I have to make life decisions on my own, or get home to an empty apartment at night.
Mind you,  I'm not complaining about these things, it's actually good to have reminders in the midst of so many, many blessings... that I'm not supposed to be this comfortable! And there is more to life (thankfully), than just feeling "at home."
Oh... but I am enjoying the trees! And my little porch garden! And friendly cashiers. And delectable Colombian food down the street. And subscribing to a weekly basket of fresh, local produce! And making new friends! And furnishing my little place.

blessings...

Less than $8!! For all 5! 

I am blessed beyond measure. I mean... I KNOW that I am blessed so much more than I deserve because Jesus died for my sins, loves me even in my sinfulness, and He doesn't want me to stay in that depravity.
But I could cry with overwhelming, joyful thankfulness in this busy, yummy local coffee shop... He has blessed me SO MUCH! Is it that He is blessing me more lately, or is it that I'm recognizing it more?!?!
And I have to share... but the list is long... so I'll just share the big things in the last week, trying to work my way backwards in time... starting with these beautiful wooden salad bowls on the left.

• thrift store shopping in Louisville is thrilling, and there are so many options! These lovely, beautiful wooden salad bowls were only 10$, but then were also 25% off today!  
• I get to move in to my apartment early (tomorrow!)- so no extra day necessary at the hotel! 
• I got a second interview with Fresenius this morning... really hoping I'll get to be a RN with them! It sounds like a good fit to me, but I'll trust Him with the details of yes or no.

• I bought a lightly used couch, chair, and dining set... and they will be delivered to my home tomorrow when I move in.



Me and my new friend by the waterfront!

• Yesterday, as "alone time" was starting to be wearying, I got a text from a girl I was introduced to on Sunday. She wanted to hang out! And we did. She showed me around downtown Louisville. AND we had Mexican food! We ended the day by making clover chains on her front lawn. :) 

The Starving Artist Cafe & Deli

• the trees. the TREES. the deciduous trees! with green leafy branches... blocking street signs (he he!), filtering sunlight onto the roads in dappled patterns, shading historic homes, and making lots of O2! Love the trees!

• I was worried about not having a Trader Joe's here in Louisville. (Gotta have my Greek Yogurt you know!)... Today, God's random, unexpected gift was the realization that the Louisville location of Trader Joe's is less than 2 miles away from my apartment!!! Seriously! (Also...World Market is in the same complex!)
• the weather. is. gorgeous. (Mid sixties and seventies Fahrenheit. Some rainy afternoons, but sunshiny mornings, and purple-pinky-orange sunsets every night. This is what summer is supposed to look like people!)
•  Not only is there a Mexican restaurant within steps of our new apartment... but there is a mouthwateringly amazing Colombian arepas place just as close... AND a sandwich deli cafe that I stumbled into, just around the corner.
• I got to drive through backwoods KY to see the H's and get some hugs from the girlies before they go back overseas... and only got lost on the curvy, loopy, meandering country roads through fields and trees once! (Though to be honest, there were A LOT of panicky iPhone map checking moments- and the one time I got lost was because there was absolutely no cell reception!!) 
• Found a tiny 'international store' that sells both Turkish lose leaf 'chai'... and small packs of yierba!
• Mexi-roomie (my new nickname for the future roomie since she won't be "future roomie" in a month, and we bonded over Mexican food back in VA days... It's also a joke based off of the off-the-wall random story our campus tour guide told us. He!) - got to come and stay in the hotel with me for a few days... and we totally bonded. It's gonna be a good room-mateship. I was worried she would never tell me if she was offended by anything I did, since she's a quieter personality... but she totally told me to stop smacking my gum while we were in the car... so I think we're gonna do just fine! 

• I get to study at one of the most beautiful campuses I've EVER seen! I'm such a nerd- but I'm so looking forward to academic life again!! I met one of the professors there, and I might buy his textbook to read for fun this summer- and also take one of his spring classes (which is NOT required for my degree- but Community Spiritual Disciplines?! Sounds amaze-o.)
• Sunday I went to a church that has so many of the qualities that made CHBC such a great experience for me the two weeks I was there before I left the States. Not only that... but I totally knew people there!! Random God-blessings of the day from the church included Mrs. P introducing me to lots of girls, recognizing an Australian girl that I had met over a year ago when she and her husband visited my city, and the once-a-month hymn singing class before evening service (!!!! I've never sight read the bass line of a hymn before!!!) Oh. And Mrs. P took me to lunch with her husband and son (which made me feel so welcomed), and then offered her spare air mattress to me while I'm bed-less!! 
• I have an iPhone... that lets me Yelp! new restaurants, that leads my poor un-directional self around, that lets me connect with friends around the world (literally), and that is my clock/camera/flashlight. 
• Little Louisville things: It's so quaint and historic. People are so POLITE and nice, they even wave you in to traffic on the highway! There are SO many things to see and do. Thrift stores/consignment shops/antique stores are everywhere! People are chatty and smiley. Lots of accents. Mostly 'southern,' but of all types and kinds. Love it.
• The lovely hotel my Dad provided for me with his travel points. It has been such a blessing to have a comfortable, free wi-fi, clean, FREE! place to crash in this week of transition.

My dear driving buddy-
just before I had to put her on a plane :/

• This last point deserves it's own thankfulness blog... but the whole Memorial Day Weekend Driving Extravaganza with this one extravagantly generous, kind, fantastic, fabulosa, witty, encouraging friend! I don't even have enough words of gratefulness for her driving skills, her cheerful spirit... and just being her awesome self and willingly accompanying me! Not only was the cross-country-driving trip enjoyable because she came, but it was EPIC!

Transition

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little bit excited about the move that is coming up. But today... I feel the uncertainties piling up like my beautiful, but useless, scarves. I have nowhere to put them... and they don't help me for the future. Somehow, though, instead of clinging to God's promises, I'm focusing on where I'm going to put all these worries (er, scarves).

And let's face it... I would much rather be in the "nesting" phase... because I like that part!

It's the figuring out the little things of a house, the 'nesting' part, that I like. Stuff like which cupboard the dishes belong in, how the layout of the living room would look best, adding knick knacks to unreachable shelves, and alphabetizing books on the shelves at eye-level and below.

Then I think of trite phrases like, 'finishing well' or 'living in the moment.' Ugh, I know they are true... but how can I cling to what He has already shown me? To know without a doubt, that He will show me a "straight way till [I] reach a city to dwell in." vs 7...

Because... "His steadfast love endures forever!" vs1
"For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry should He fills with good things" vs 9
"He brought them  out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart" vs 14
"He sent out His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction"

So scarves... worries... take that!
And soon, very soon I will be able to finish by saying,

"Let them thank the LORD for His steadfast love,
for His wondrous works to the children of man!
And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of His deeds in songs of joy!" vs21-22

I love live singing. I love singing men. I love men who play instruments and sing. AND last but not least I love men in suits.

I had the pleasure of not only helping make and serve these young men some seriously awesome Mexican food... but then I got to hear them for a full BLISSFUL hour and a half.

If I'm not personally singing in heaven... I'd like to be hearing these guys...



... I think this little guy agreed with me!

accomplishment

Not only do I get asked the question, "So, what do you do with yourself these days?"... I also ask myself the same question. What DO I do?

It's not like I'm on the computer 24-7 looking for jobs... and while I have proven myself to be an avid 'people-person,' always willing to accompany my mom on her errands, or to her yoga classes, or to whatever random thing she has going on... it's not like I can just tell people that I'm not really being productive- right?

Well... now I've done something.

I read all of O'Brien's "The Father's Tale" in about two days... yup. In case you can't tell by the ridiculous pictures (oh-- by the way-- I have also discovered Photo Booth on my new Mac) ... the book is 1,072 pages long.

It really is that long. And it's not because of pictures (there are none), and no, it's not because it's large print.

The book really was that long.

And I enjoyed most of it... The lovely poetic turns of phrase, the moments of instantly being able to picture exactly what the author was describing about parts of Russian culture, and the fact that the protagonist is a book seller from backwoods Canada; pretty much means that I was a fan.

However, I'm still mulling over my disappointment about the ending (I'm not going to tell you exactly why unless you have a)already read the book or b)can promise me you will not ever make time to read it and want to know my thoughts)

Mostly I'm just really looking forward to discussing it with the friend who recommended it to me. :) And I couldn't wait another nanosecond. So I finished the book.

Has tú, cual la mujer... que fue y tocó

A la casa de Jairo iba Jesús,

Y una gran multitud iba tras Él,

Y una pobre mujer, llena de fe,

No miro la multitud, y fue y le tocó.

Coro

Has tú, cual la mujer, que fue y tocó,

El borde del vestido del Señor,

Virtud salió de Él y ella sanó,

Y si le tocas tú, sanas también.

2

Yo fui quien te tocó, mi buen Señor,

Mi mal, ningún doctor pudo sanar,

Tu fama llegó a mí y vine a Ti,

Y ya sanada estoy, perdóname.

3

De aquella multitud que le seguía,

Una parte creía en el Señor,

Mas, la otra, enemiga y curiosa,

Hoy la vemos vivir aún peor.

This was a song that my Opa sang on evangelical campaigns... and my dad still sings two lines of the chorus when in especially worshipful moods!!!

My work here... is done!

I came to Paraguay to help out my grandmother... and we spent lots of hours in the kitchen with her trying to do all she could to stay in the kitchen like she used to, and me trying to convince her to use less energy, less salt, and to allow others to help her as she transitions her mind to adjust to where her body is now. (Easy for me to say as a "young" person, right?!)

Anyway... this morning I woke up with a headache, took some medicine and went back to bed...

So imagine my surprise when I actually got up this morning and saw my aunt taking 'my' place of the last month (which is a new thing for her!), my Oma actually using the kitchen stool (like I've suggested a million times before), and both of them sharing the kitchen to accomplish the habitual Saturday baking chores (gives my Oma both some rest, but also the feeling of completing what used to be her job!).

My work here is done. A bit bittersweet... but since my flight leaves on Monday, it's right on time!

¿Con quién me casare?

Hoy termine el libro “¿Con quién me casare?” escrito por Luis Palau. Lo leí porque en una reunión de familia este fin de semana, estábamos discutiendo su campaña evangelistica que vendrá al Paraguay en abril. De esa discusión también creció el tema de mis deseos de casarme que siempre está en mi mente, sí no en la frente de mi mente. Mi tío sugirió que lea este libro, y después todos bromearon que de ahí entonces me haría lista para el matrimonio.

Bueno, en todo caso, esta pregunta que suelo preguntarme a mí misma, es buena pregunta. Desafortunadamente el señor Palau se enfoca mucho más en los jóvenes. O sea, yo creo que él se refiere mucho a los problemas de los muchachos y muchachas quienes aproximan los veinte años de edad. ¿Y que mas puedo decir? Yo ya me siento mucho más vieja de los quienes aconseja. El da consejos como, “El cristiano esta unido para siempre” y “…la palabra amor es una de las palabras más pervertidas del vocabulario español. La gente piensa hoy en día que amor es sinónimo de sexo, y yo quiero afirma de una vez y por todas, que amor y sexo no son sinónimos…” y “…jamás pienses siquiera en casarte con un hombre, o una señorita, que no tiene a Cristo en su vida.”

Ya se todas estas cosas.

Me aburro de escucharlas mil y una veces más. Es regresar a mis días del colegio, y los sermones interminables sobre la pureza. No es que tengo nada contra la pureza… mi asunto es que nunca he tenido oportunidad para probar mi anhelo para la pureza sexual. Y esa falta me duele. ¿Por qué? me pregunto, ¿Qué no tengo/ que no hago para que los muchachos nunca me hagan caso?

Y otra vez me encuentro en un círculo de pensamientos incapaces y moribundos.

Para salir de esas huellas inútiles tengo que enfocarme en lo que puedo aprender de esta situación que me toca. Y así lo hice.

Pude cosechar unos pocos pensamientos buenos del libro. Quizás encontré unos mensajes cuyos el Señor Palau no quería trasmitir a su audiencia… pero a pesar de todo, encontré algo que me pueda ayudar.

En particular, hay un capitulo que tiene un título: ‘El amor sabe esperar.’ Bueno… ¿qué dice? En pagina 42 de este librito dice, “¿Estoy dispuesto a esperar cuanto tiempo sea necesario? Cuando una persona esta exageradamente apurada por casarse, es una señal de que algo no anda bien. El verdadero amor sabe esperar el momento adecuado.” Claro el señor Palau refiere a Gálatas capitulo 4 para decir si Dios espera al momento adecuado, también los jóvenes que se han ‘enamorado’ y no pueden esperar al momento de casamiento para tener relaciones físicos deben esperar. Ellos deben estar menos ansiosos para la unión sexual. Claro. Mensaje recibido. De mi parte…. esa espera no ha sido mi problema.

Pero el punto “espera” todavía me toca prestarle atención. Y la pregunta todavía permanece lo mismo, ¿Estoy dispuesta a esperar cuanto tiempo sea necesario? … Tengo que admitir que no estoy dispuesta a esperar para que mi marido aparezca. ¡Ya he querido casarme desde cumplir veinte años de edad!

En Cantares dice, “Que no despertéis ni hagáis velar al amor, hasta que quiera.” (Can. 1:7) En mi pecho hay el deseo de amar, y de ser amada… y es tan fuerte que muchas veces me ahoga. ¿He despertado mi amor más antes de que quiera?

Tengo que aplicarme esta lección de Palau- porque el mensaje de Gálatas 4 se puede aplicar a mi impaciencia también. De todos modos y en cualquiera situacion, mi Señor y Dios es fiel y paciente… y no tengo que temer que El se ha olvidado de mí.

Parable of the Prodigal Son

On Tuesday I had the opportunity to go to Phoenix 1- a gathering of believing 20-30somethings in the area.

It was an interesting new 'cultural experience' for this re-entry of mine, and I enjoyed meeting some of the people that my sisters interact with.

What really prompted this blog though, was some thoughts that started with a one-man skit that was performed that night. The guy that did it was pretty great- he was able to command the whole group's attention for about thirty minutes!

The story line? It was a re-enactment of the story commonly known as the Prodigal Son. The actor had modernized the story a bit, so I almost felt that I identified the story sooner than those around me.

He started out first as the rebellious younger son, striving to be let out of the house and out from under his father's heavy hand. Then the lights changed on the stage, and the actor became the responsible older brother, sighing heavily over his brother's follies. What totally struck me as different in this portrayal, however, is that right about when I thought the actor was going to be finished with the story... he came to the center of the stage and portrayed the father. The final act where the father bemoaned the choices of both of his sons gave me a new moment of insight into the older son.

Then today I read an article in Christianity Today, entitled, "Party Favors." In it the author posits that this parable is primarily about the older son, and not the younger one. This was interesting to me since I had just been thinking about these things from the other night. What really struck me, though is when the author began to wonder, as he says, " if, from Jesus' perspective, having a feast in one's honor is a blessing, but being invited to help the father host the banquet is a vastly greater gift."

Wow, right?!

I mean... I've always thought it was the younger brother that totally disrespected the father, but if you think about what a privilege it is to be part of a family and to be in such a position of honor and respect that you are asked to host the party with the head of the household and you turn in down?

Oh man.

And all these years when I self-identified with the older brother and felt so gypped by the younger son who got to go out and come back to a freakin' party... Little did I realize that not only did I 'stay home' and 'obey the rules'... but I also had started to reject the wonderful, immense joy of hosting with the Father. Ouch.

(This realization was given even more layers when I thought about all my experiences in Central Asia, with hosts who gave over and above just because they were being good hosts. Incredible to think about what the Father is offering to us in that cultural light.)

I want to end with the words of the author of the article, because she says it so much better than I could:

"As Jesus tells it, the Father is hosting a lavish banquet, and we're invited--not because of our own merit, but because he loves us. And there's more. He's invited us to help him throw the party--neither as servants nor as guests, but as family." -Carolyn Arends

some thoughts on motherhood

So--

this blog will be transitioning into more of a personal blog... so, if you are still reading this, be forewarned things will be more diary-ish than before! I think I'm pretty safe to transition without a lot of ceremony or name changing (like others of my friends), since my dismal reader stats are a fair reflection upon my less than regular blogging habits.

On that note- I'm going to dive right on in.

I've been thinking about motherhood a lot the past few weeks. Actually, these thoughts started a while ago- but the past few weeks I have been given the chance to observe three different families' parenting styles "up close and personal." These families are all fellow believers, all have three or more children, all homeschool in one way or another, and ALL have been generous enough to have this single chick thoroughly sharing in their lives while I live with them.

Even with knowing that my observations may never have practical implications in my own life because the Lover of my soul has other plans for the life that I think of as mine (yes, I did heave a big sigh when I wrote that- I'm still working on contentment in this realization), I still want to write these particular motherhood thoughts out.

It takes a HUGE amount of self-control to be a good mother. This may not be news to you, and it wasn't news to me either. But it begs to be repeated about twenty gadjillion times. When you are interrupted for the millionth time, by yet another little needy thing that the small person could actually have done for themselves while you are clearly up to your elbows (or eyebrows) in three other people's needs... self-control must be a fruit of the motherly spirit indeed.

Families are noisy. That cleaned up living room with decorous behavior on Sunday morning when you all gather? It's not necessarily a facade, it's just more of a once a week occurrence. He he. However, I'm still trying to figure out whether noise level is a stage or not. This was not a subject that my child development courses in university, nor nursing school covered. Working in day care I know a lot about noise levels, and for the most part I have what I consider a very high level of tolerance for screaming two-year olds (I know it's not all your fault moms- your child is learning how to assert him/herself and communicate. I know.) However, if I have children that are like me (eeeks!), are there ways I could short-circuit the screaming and temper tantrums? Or is it something I'll just have to live through until they turn 25? (I sincerely hope the second one is not true- because if it is true, even if I got married this year and had kids right away, I'd be looking at some auditory orderliness to start when I'm 53. Oiy.)

It makes me wonder, are some homes quieter than others because of certain parenting techniques? Or did their children simply get quieter as they got older, and I'm only seeing a reflection of their age? It could possibly be a combination of both... but if you have suggestions to offer on how to parent kids to be less argumentative/scream-y, I'm open!

Families are messy. Messy emotionally, but mostly messy in your living room/kitchen/hallways kinda way. I'm definitely starting to think about techniques on how to get your barely-walking-toddler to pick up while toddling. I like mopping and making sure countertops are clean- but I just don't like the eternal everlasting putting "stuff" away. I'll let you know if I come up with anything super stellar-- until then, I might consider limiting my children to playing outside with sticks and stones like the olden days. ;)

There is always someone, somewhere who thinks you're crazy whenever you make certain decisions about your kids. I think I've seen that you can be pretty crazy as a mom, and you might need to actually gather a group of women (some older, some younger), who will tell you when you are going insane and not thinking properly in your mama-bear madness (in love, of course!). Then, make decisions with your husband that both of you can stick to. Yes, both of you, without being swayed by anyone except your Father. In addition to joint decisions, do not let your self worth be centered upon your kids. They won't be enough. Yes, it may feel that you are just a fight-breaker-upper, dish washing, chief chef... but mothers are more than that. Take home message? There are two: Don't make decisions or gauge yourself based solely on other's opinions. Don't go insane. :D

There's more... but that's enough for today...

Packing

There's a finality to this packing that I'm having trouble wrapping my head around. And the only safety net there is, is trusting in Him. Time for the rubber to meet the road... and my words to match my thoughts.

"Trust and obey,

for there's no other way... "

And then another question is... WHY did I want to buy so many scarves?? :D Oh- I'm _making_ room for them AND all my coats that have survived the wear and tear of actual weather!!

too much thinking

I'm going to miss potatoes that actually look like they were grown in dirt... though maybe I won't miss washing away this much dirt before I can cook them!

And lately I have been doing too much thinking... and not enough writing. I know. I'll try to catch up. Or just pick up here and keep going...