Worship thoughts

What does worship mean when your struggling church doesn't "do" worship? 

What does worship mean outside musical harmony and overflowing heart thankfulness?

 When you expect the overflow and harmony and

 strive towards it, and mostly discord and mistakes result instead?

What does worship mean when you want to help others 

to see Jesus, but they see your imperfections instead? 

Practiced off and on with another girl at church for about a month... because we both love God and love music. Though we aren't often on the same page musically, we tried to integrate our 'styles' and we discussed what we thought of worship and how we could worship God more fully. We both agreed that worship in our church is ill-defined and poorly carried out, and we wanted to work together to change that. 

Yet as we practiced... and tried piano and/or guitars... and some very flat harmonies... I got frustrated, because I wanted better. I wanted my heart to be purer, and my devotion to be more sincere. Yet mostly I wanted my fingers to be stronger, and my voice to be clearer. 

And in my personal struggle between cultivating a worshipful heart and remembering the many professional sounding musically-gifted worship leaders I've been blessed by through the years... I veered down that deceiving, rocky road where the music becomes the focus instead of treasuring, honoring, and glorifying the Almighty.   .... Forgive me, Lord, for failing over this again...