dear lady on the bus...

Dear lady on the bus,
So. I know this morning, you really tried. I mean, really, I can see how much work you put into your appearance because your make-up is actually quite nice looking. And that mini skirt with a stiletto-heeled knee high boot that you are using to brave the icy streets is nothing short of heroic. However. We need to talk about your fur coat.
See... I know in this weather, a fur coat is not only a luxury, it's also a borderline necessity akin to my daily cup of coffee. So I can appreciate that you are wearing one.
But, when your fur coat actually looks like you threw a couple of varriegated dead animals over your shoulders?? And somehow found a matching hat?! As my roommate would say, (in a emphatically southern accent) "No ma'am!"
See, there are just so many tasteful fur coats out there I couldn't help but give you a little guidance in this department. I mean, (since it is currently rush hour and we're packed like sardines in here) there's about thirty other options on this bus alone! See? That lovely soft furry looking one that you just want to stroke? How about that one that looks so glossy you could also use it as a mirror in the morning? There's brown, and black and every shade in between. You could switch it up like the grandmother next to me, and have what looks thick curly carpet fur! (though, I really wouldn't recommend it, personally) You could also have picked the one that was dyed a deep magenta... the dye is questionable, but... (and this is key)... it doesn't look like it was dead two minutes ago!
If you can't decide that any of these are better than what you have on right now, it might be time for you to switch to synthetic.
Just sayin' ...
Sincerely,
Your fellow bus passenger