hard work

For this formerly-single-girl who very much took that singleness on as part of my identity (who knew? I didn't!) ... there are quite a few "aha" moments that I've been having the last month. Sometimes they may be less 'aha' than "doi!" slap-on-the-forehead type moments... but yeah. They've been interesting.

One... and I know this is old hat and I read it a million and a half times and never believed it... but relationships take work. WORK. Good work. Work that is sometimes quite fulfilling. Yet, wow. Sometimes I get to the end of a week and I'm tired. Just done. And I want to hang out somewhere by myself, with a big book, and perhaps a bag of tortilla chips, and a large glass of iced coffee. And stop thinking so hard!

Weird, right? This extrovert is showing quite a few introvert moments these days... and I don't want to say "I don't love you,"  which is what I feel like I'm saying in essence when I need alone time. And I definitely do not want to become an introvert. I miss my friends! ... but I need time to organize my closet. Badly. (Maybe part of this is the uncertainty in moving this week?... the chaos of boxes and getting rid of stuff and seeing how much I have accumulated in one year is fairly ridiculous!)

Then there's the interspersed .... "eeek!" moments that occur at these times when I think about potential motherhood. That awe-inspiring, also much-desired status is accumulating some dinosaur proportioned uncomfortable thoughts. All my mother-friends tell me about how they want alone time and can't find it now that they have kids... and many of these women did not have the 'alone time' need with their fiances (at least that I heard of). The intimidation factor of motherhood is rising in my opinion!

I'm going to need to figure out my introvert tendencies... and get them squared away. And figure out the balance between good dependence and destructive independence...
....and right now, stop typing and put some stuff in boxes! Cause I'm getting married in 35 days!