Why weepest thou?

                   I woke up today around 4 from the most intense nightmare I've had in a while. You know, the kind that is so vivid you still are seething with the emotions you felt during that nightmare after you wake up?

I think what made this one worse is that it was in no way fantastical. No roaring waterfalls to plummet down while rafting- no orange and green eyed monsters chasing me - no hypothetical characters from a novel that became zombies.

           No, this nightmare was about my wedding rehearsal dinner, and me getting so angry that strangers (many of Chinese decent- go figure) were seriously delaying our leaving for this dinner by offering strong opinions about my wedding the following day. Why wasn't I spending all this money on a proper dress? or "(gasp) you aren't doing 'real' flowers?!" "How couldn't you get your hair professionally done?" "Why don't we just..."  Oh man. I'm still steamed. I mean, hiding my rehearsal dinner dress so I'll listen to your opinions? And then my hair clips??

Who dreams like this?
And... more crazily... who cries after such randomness?

Oh. This girl. And I had to take it to God. And write it out. And apparently, now write it out again.

The silver lining... is that this ridiculous dream is making me rethink how important these details should be. (Not. Not important.)

And to be continually seeking Him more. Obviously, I need Him to fix my heart.
If my subconscious is worried about these silly details a month away from the wedding, I need to take a chill pill. And realize what is actually at stake.

And ask myself- what will glorify God most??
Not flowers. Not mason jars. Not lace headbands. Not the right dress. Not the perfect hairstyle.

My heart. My attitude. My thoughts. My actions.

In praying about this, here at the crack of dawn and as I dried my tears, I started singing "I need thee every hour, o gracious Lord." Then I started thinking that I was singing the wrong words, but I wasn't!! Yet the rabbit trail of looking through hymnary.org to verify the words led me to the writer's bio, which in turn led me to another of her hymns. (See Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs class paying off even before grades are posted!) And I found 'Why weepest thou?'  

And each stanza prompted me to look to Jesus- to realize that the cross is more central and the brightest detail of my life- to be comforted by these reminding words.

I think I'm going to memorize the words as soon as I can get to a piano to actually learn this simple tune properly. And obscure as it is, I think it would be a great bedtime lullaby too.

    "O believe Him; O receive Him-
     There is none like Jesus;
     He is near Thee,
     He will cheer thee--
     Only trust in Jesus."